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He Doesn't KnowHe smiles and beguiles me,
I muster a smile in return,
He kisses and hugs my shell of a body,
I hide my tears and hide my wounds.
He does try, you know;
He tries ever so hard to bring me joy,
With words of kindness and sincerity,
Words that reach deaf-numbed ears.
I try too, I do;
To listen, to love, to feel,
To heal my barely beating heart,
Just so that I can give him love in return.
Who is the victim and who is the attacker?
Perhaps we are both in ourselves victims,
Two broken souls-
Broken yet trying to fix each other.
Can two broken hearts make a whole one?
Perhaps we are too mismatched, too uncorrelated,
Two different hearts-
Different yet trying to be the same.
He is the sweetest fool,
The sweetest, most endearing, lovable fool.
He would flip this world upside down and back round again,
If only to make me smile and laugh.
Yet, he still remains the fool.
Because I am too far gone,
My heart is already buried beneath the soil,
Because I have lost all will to make it beat once more.
If you Really Want to Know...I drift from here to there,
From day to day,
Not quite alive,
But rather only existing-just existing.
I cling adoringly, obsessively to the past,
Each memory like floating bits of paper,
Floating, swirling, in and out of my grasp,
Never to be fully attained once more.
They wonder why I am like this,
Why I reside in this catatonic state,
Alive before you, blinking and breathing,
Yet not quite alive.
They ask me, beg of me, to know the truth,
To know what ails me, what troubles me,
I say nothing, nothing at all dearest ones,
But they see through my transparent smile.
Will you release me?
Release me from my doubts, my fears, my anxiety,
From the gnawing pain that cripples and debilitates me,
From this wounded, broken, mutilated thing?
Will you visit me?
When my corpse lies but six feet beneath your toes,
Beneath the depths of humanity, despair, and torture,
In a world of nothingness, and bliss?
I pray for this torment to end,
This torment which seduces my frail body into obedience,
[transmissions of a dead girl]i am the
moon: i am
the silver pill
to weigh down
into leaden eyes--
i am the
of the dark.
the stars are
all dead in their
you'll be safe, dear,
as i am the moon,
with all of your
(i am good bye and yet,
you think only of romantic
i am the moon.
i am the crescent
and dead altogether,
i still die.
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